Exploring how emotional intelligence can be misused by toxic leaders—and why organizations must look beyond surface-level EQ when evaluating leadership effectiveness.
Emotional intelligence: the new leadership superpower. When we think of leaders with high emotional intelligence (EQ), we usually picture empathetic, self-aware individuals who inspire teams and foster collaboration. Emotional intelligence is widely viewed as an essential leadership skill, helping guide communication, resolve conflict, and build trust.
But what if that’s not always the case?
The uncomfortable truth is emotional intelligence can be weaponized. Some leaders possess exceptional EQ skills yet still create toxic environments. They know how to read a room, control their emotions, and build strategic alliances, but instead of using those superpowers for good, they manipulate, intimidate, control, or simply lie.
These leaders often convince the people around them that they are “just trying to help.” Peers and team members report feeling strong conflicting emotions after interacting with them. On the surface, these leaders are engaging, approachable, and easy to talk to. But after these interactions, team members frequently walk away questioning their own skills, abilities, and expertise.
This raises a provocative question: Can a toxic leader possess high emotional intelligence? And if so, do those behaviors align with diagnosable personality patterns?
The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is a tool— neither inherently good nor bad. It involves self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social awareness. While most leaders use EQ to connect and collaborate, toxic leaders may use the same skills to manipulate outcomes and protect their power. Additionally, some leaders use these skills to manage the anxiety generated by more serious personality disorders.
Consider the leader who:
– Selectively withholds information to maintain control.
– Uses charm to build loyalty in some and alienation in others.
– Reads emotional cues not to support but to exploit vulnerabilities.
– Encourages colleagues, direct reports, and team members to speak negatively about one another—and then uses that information to advance a personal agenda. This tactic keeps individuals loyal to the leader while maintaining and sustaining mistrust among team members.
These behaviors don’t indicate a lack of EQ—they reflect a misuse of EQ for personal gain, often at the expense of the team’s health and psychological safety.
Toxic Leadership and Personality Disorders: Where They Overlap
In some cases, toxic leadership behaviors may reflect deeper psychological patterns commonly seen in certain personality disorders. This doesn’t mean every toxic leader has a clinical diagnosis—but there can be significant overlap. A topic covered in more detail in the book “Diagnosing Toxic Leadership”.
Key examples include:
– Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD):
Leaders with narcissistic traits often display social charm and political savvy. But their deep need for admiration and lack of authentic empathy can create highly toxic dynamics. They may use EQ strategically to manipulate perceptions, silence criticism, and maintain status.
– Borderline Personality Features:
Leaders with borderline tendencies may swing between idealizing and devaluing team members. This creates a climate of unpredictability, emotional exhaustion, and fear of being the next target.
– Antisocial Traits (Corporate Psychopathy):
Some individuals with antisocial traits are highly skilled at reading people. They may use that insight to deceive, control, or exploit—often without remorse. In the corporate world, this is sometimes labeled as “executive manipulation” or gaslighting.
Why This Matters for Organizations
The belief that emotional intelligence automatically leads to ethical leadership is a dangerous oversimplification. Many organizations add basic online EQ modules to their leadership development programs without creating opportunities for real skill mastery through coaching, practice, and professional dialogue.
In reality, some of the most damaging leaders are those who understand emotions exceptionally well—but use that knowledge for self-serving ends. The worst-case scenario is when these leaders successfully recruit other key leaders as enablers, often because those colleagues fear becoming the next target of the toxic leader’s manipulative tactics.
What should organizations do?
– Invest in comprehensive leadership development. Go beyond surface-level training. Build programs that include practice, reflection, and coaching.
– Assess for values, not just skills of leadership candidates. Leadership selection and development should prioritize integrity, humility, and ethical decision-making—not just personal relationships, charisma, or interpersonal savvy. “Organizations must be vigilant when selecting leaders who excel solely at ‘WOO’—the ability to win others over. Without the essential ingredient of genuineness, this strength can quickly devolve into manipulation, leaving the organization in the hands of a leader who influences others for personal gain rather than shared success.
– Focus on patterns of behavior, not isolated incidents. Occasional missteps are human. Repeated manipulation, gaslighting, and failed relationships with team members who resist control are red flags. Organizations need systems, processes and training that monitor and manage these situations.
– Create safe reporting mechanisms. Toxic leaders often silence dissent. Organizations must foster psychological safety not as a cliché but as a working part of the organization’s cultures where employees can voice concerns without fear of retaliation from the dysfunctional leader or their supporting enablers.
Emotional intelligence is a powerful leadership tool—but like any tool, its impact depends on how it’s used. Leaders who weaponize EQ for manipulation and control erode trust, damage morale, and destabilize teams. Sometimes these behaviors reflect deeper personality patterns; other times, they are learned tactics for power preservation.
The solution isn’t to abandon emotional intelligence, it’s to pair it with ethical leadership, accountability, and a commitment to developing organizational leadership so they do no harm and help grown talent vs eliminating decenter.
If you’re committed to building healthier leadership cultures, start the conversation in your organization today. Host development workshops that help leaders build EQ mastery. Toxicity thrives in silence—transformation starts with awareness. If you need help organizing conversations and workshops, I can help. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute discovery call with me.
About Dr. Ollie G. Barnes III
Dr. Ollie G. Barnes III is an organizational performance consultant, keynote speaker, and author of Diagnosing Toxic Leadership: Understanding the Connection Between Personality Disorders and Toxic Leader Behaviors. As the founder of Impact Performance Consultants, he brings over 25 years of experience helping organizations transform workplace culture, improve leadership effectiveness, and build psychologically safe environments. Learn more at ImpactPerformanceConsultants.com